Embracing Flow & Control
A Journey of Balance
Yesterday, I was painting a commission. I was nervous; I always am on these, so much so I wonder if it's worth it. Will there ever be a time I trust myself?
As I stood there, torn between knowing I needed a break and yet feeling compelled to "fix" just one more thing, I found myself reflecting on the concepts of integration and balance—something I've been working on for a while.
Being an "all-in" type of person, I used to think control was the key to guaranteeing outcomes. If I could just control all the variables, life would work out the way I wanted. And yet, life has shown me countless times that this approach doesn’t always hold up. Still, I remained stubborn.
I took this mindset into my painting, trying to control everything: the palette, the process, the subject matter. I thought, "If I can control it all, I can control the outcome." But when I loaded the brush with paint and made that first mark, something shifted. I wanted to do everything "the right way," but deep down, I felt the need to let go. I reached for the biggest brush I could find to force myself into releasing that control.
Even though I tried to hold on to control, the urge to make a mess, to just paint without outlines or rigid technique, took over. I was left wondering: Can flow and control coexist? Does being in the flow mean you have to give up control?
Here’s what I’ve realized: Life, like art, requires both. There are times to control what you can and times to step back and allow things to unfold.
“Flow isn’t the opposite of control—it’s a state where both can live together.”
The Beginning of the New
“Begin Anywhere” by Heather Hanson, 2024.
40” H x 30 “ W
It takes awareness to understand when to push and when to pause. Being in control doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions or resisting change. It means being present, knowing when to act and when to surrender.
So, I’m not throwing anything out—not control, not balance, not wildness, not flow. I’m simply surrendering to life and trusting that I am where I need to be.
How is this showing up in my art? A new style is emerging. I start with an abstract background, going "wild" on the canvas, then add controlled geometric elements. I find the figure in the abstract and use those points to shape her, allowing the abstract to shine through while balancing it with controlled values in the darker areas. It’s a blend of control and wildness, and it’s how I’ve found my balance.
I’m cautiously optimistic about this new approach, and that’s a good thing.
